"Sometimes I Wonder", a Poem by Billy Ayis

BILLY’S POEM

by Billy Ayis

Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I ponder

As I hear the thunder

That you are not leading me asunder

You say you have me under your sword

But still Lord I don’t feel assured

You say all I have to do is to follow your word

But what it says is out of this world

You say you won’t let me spill blood

But a lot has already reached the mud

You say you are very near

Then why do I still fear

You say my burdens are yours to bear

But even now I shed a tear

You told me you guard my very rear

But my back Lord has been pierced with a spear

I obeyed and walked the straight and narrow

Only to make myself a target for the arrow

If I had a wider road to walk on

Then I would have had more ground to dodge on

You assured me of a blissful tomorrow

Yet now I feel real sorrow

It’s so hard for me to swallow

Without feeling pain down my marrow

I’ve tried

And I’ve cried

Presently I am tired

Feeling so expired

Maybe there’s something I didn’t do

Or somewhere I didn’t go

Maybe there’s something I didn’t say

Or a price I didn’t pay

May be the sorrows of today

Is but a past in constant replay

Maybe I ain’t worshiping you right

Or said my prayers well at night

Maybe you’re here in your power and might

And you’re training me for the final fight

Maybe you still have me in your sight

Even though you still let me take a bite

I guess someday all will turn bright

Then I’ll know I’m really in your light

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve been deceived

Or if I even really believed

But all the same I guess I still believe

Because you Lord can’t deceive

I guess my blessing I’m still to receive

Even though it’s closeness I can’t perceive

I will still believe in you Lord

Because to me you are the only God

Someday my mind will become tame

And stop thinking I’m in a game

But as long as the sky remains blue

I guess I will be worshiping you